5 Ways Camp Prepared Me to Run Sex Parties
Every year, one week after the school year would end, I’d be on a yellow bus headed for a day camp sandwiched between sprawling cornfields and endless green pastures. Unlike my overnight camp friends who spent two months away from adults and technology, I returned home every evening to air conditioning and a familiar bed.
Even at day camp, lifetime campers eventually become camp counsellors. There are certain skills you learn as a camp counsellor that are directly useful for the job as an event planner and facilitator at a sex club.
The sex club I work at is known for being a space where people find their community, and solidify their identity. While other clubs provide dance music and a play space, the club I work at helps people genuinely connect. My job is to help that happen. I have said many times (mostly to club patrons, while explaining that our blowjob contest voting system will be cheer based) that working at camp is what taught me to be excited and loud, but it turns out that it prepared me in many other ways, as well.
How Much Does a Polar Bear Weigh? Enough to Break the Ice
As a camp counsellor, there are certain traditions and programs you inherit from previous creative minds who also have a passion for sunscreen and sun safety, like complex cheers and elaborate theme days. However, even by the age of fourteen as a counsellor in training, you are responsible for creating your own programs and planning out all elements of the activities, from icebreakers to intense emotional bonding opportunities.
At the sex club, we frequently have a variety of performances (burlesque, sex shows, and panel discussions), but most people need something more to break the ice. We help them avoid the dreaded small talk that can lead to awkwardness instead of sex or friendship. I find the best way to help people connect is through games, and while there are many games that are easy to adapt to a sex club setting (naked twister is a favourite), people value creative planning and unique experiences.
Working at camp taught me how to adapt anything into a game, and think about what makes games fun in the first place. A really fun game will usually involve a multi-step process to achieve the goal. For example, Ultimate Sexy Chance involves rolling a giant die and selecting a challenge, like sexy charades or erotic writing, from a corresponding numbered bag. Camp gives you two months straight to practice different games and facilitation styles, and to hone the techniques that speak to you.
Quiet Coyote
When running camp programming, you are responsible for keeping the rapt attention of a collection of 10-15 children. While some camp counsellors spend all summer with the same group, I ran special programming where I saw a variety of ages and genders throughout the day.
Keeping a diverse group of ragamuffins from running rampant requires a great deal of (occasionally faked) enthusiasm, a loud voice, and painfully clear and detailed instructions. This way, even the campers at the back of the group clearly understand what is about to happen. Some kids enjoy antagonizing the authority figures, and you learn to handle those moments with confidence.
You’d think things would be easier at a sex club, but that’s not always true. Campers expect a certain amount of being told to listen and do, but adults are not used to it. When making announcements, running games, or even introducing a guest performance, having practiced the aforementioned skills, I am able to keep people excited by being that energy.
While all of this sounds like a ridiculous amount of fun, which it is, there are days when the traffic to the club was bad, I didn’t get enough caffeine, or a frustrating encounter with a customer threw me off. In those moments, that practiced fake enthusiasm comes in handy. Fake it till you make it only works if you know how to fake it well, and my do those challenging campers teach you how to fake it for when it counts.
The Art of Improv
Sometimes, my plans go totally awry. This was true with camp programming, and nowadays, it’s true with sex club event planning. Did someone break a leg, and we need to distract the campers while the ambulance arrives? Did the campers think your spooky story about the Y Tree was real and start to cry? Working at camp makes you excellent at making up games on the spot, committing to them fully, and getting silly.
Sex parties usually involve less dramatic problems than an ambulance - patrons’ personal drama is bubbling up publicly, the crowd isn’t engaged tonight. Pivoting is a skill that is frequently practiced at camp, and results in the most fun traditions that the campers remember the most when they leave. Adapting in the moment results in patrons leaving with a positive, memorable experience rather than a neutral or negative experience.
You’ve Been a Bad, Bad Boy
Like with kindergarten and early childhood centers, campers attend camp not just to have fun, but to learn how to be constructive members of society. Counsellors learn how to correct behaviour and motivate campers to participate and improve their attitudes through positive, firm, and clear behavioural corrections. Jessica smacked Shira with a flutter board? Jessica will be removed from the setting until she delivers a sincere apology. It’s a nuanced skill to re-shape behaviour in a shame-free way.
When becoming a member at a sex club, you’re agreeing to a code of conduct with strict rules. Some people who are new to the space have to unlearn toxic behaviours, and learn how to engage with others in a respectful way. One of my many jobs is finding ways to give people the opportunity to correct their own behaviour without making them feel humiliated for the behaviour in the first place. Embarrassment can cause someone to become defensive and escalate an interaction.
For example, telling a man who is double your height that he needs to ask before touching, every time, yes even if he just touched an elbow, is definitely a challenge. I give each individual the benefit of the doubt that society has failed them, and since no one taught this person how to treat others, I will take it upon myself to educate them about sharing, respect, and asking before touching. However, just like with children, if a guest can’t follow the rules and respect others, they get a “time out” (removed from the club for the evening) or “not asked back” (suspended or banned).
Let’s Get Physical
Camp is a sweaty time. Everyone smells like sunscreen and bug spray, and crocs are the fashionable footwear of choice. While some people stay camp-trendy, the best counsellors aren’t afraid to get goofy and look foolish. Whether it’s physical comedy to make the campers laugh, terrible dad jokes, or the willingness to do the activity a camper is nervous about, having a sense of humour makes the space enjoyable for everyone.
Sex can also be funny, or silly, and it’s best not to take yourself too seriously when you’re hosting events. I strive to be presentable when running an event. That being said, being approachable makes me a much more effective host and socializer than being an unattainable goddess. Being put on a pedestal by patrons who find me attractive leads to people feeling too intimidated to approach. Being silly means you’re being vulnerable, and being vulnerable at a sex club results in new people being comfortable approaching. Having a sense of humour at a sex club takes it from an intimidating space to a community space, and not being worried about how I look while trying to put my right hand on red in the aforementioned game of naked twister means I can fully commit to creating an enjoyment based experience. After all, why be at a sex club if you’re not going to enjoy yourself?
See You Next Summer
While my days of riding a yellow school bus are thankfully over, certain lessons from camp will continue to be relevant. Always wear sunscreen and a hat. Wait 24 hours after a burn before applying aloe. What is considered fashion in one context is definitely not fashion in another (I see you and deny you your relevance, crocs). Ultimately, our needs as adults don’t change from our needs as children, and the skills we develop when working with young people are the foundation of what we need to work with adults. I will always remember my days at camp fondly as I continue to bring the spirit of being a counsellor into my life as a professional sex party planner.