Beach Body Ready
It’s that time of the year again – the time where brands explain how to get beach-ready for the summer, with the obligatory sponsored content to support your transformation. In just 21 days, you too can be ripped for the beach, but only if you buy our products!
I am here to remind everyone that your body is already beach-ready, even if your confidence may not be. When I struggle with my body image, I remind myself of three key things: The first is that just because the internet presents us with one image of what is “attractive” doesn’t mean that’s the only thing people find attractive.
The second is that what we see on Instagram, movies and billboards isn’t real, it’s a three-dimensional person rendered two dimensional. Cameras strategically hide what they don’t want you to see while presenting you with what they do.
The third thing is that what society considers attractive changes over time, so there’s really no point in trying to fit in when the standards will just keep shifting. It’s that last thought that I am interested in exploring today, and I have examples from different media including art, porn, movies, and beauty pageants as I feel that will give us a very well-rounded sample to grapple with.
Jack of All Trades (will people get this Renaissance Man pun?)
I’m not going to give you an entire art history lesson, but I will give you one clear example of beauty standards changing with an art period many are familiar with – The Renaissance. Renaissance art was created in the 1400s, when large foreheads were the trend of the day.
Many of the portraits and nudes show women with large foreheads and small breasts, but what many people don’t know is that women would pluck their hairlines and eyelashes out to create this look. A prime example of this is The Portrait of the Lady in Red.
Don’t worry, readers with penises, I haven’t forgotten about you. A small penis was ideal, and symbolic of an intelligent, refined man. This is clearly displayed in the many sculptures and paintings of men in the nude. One very famous piece is the sculpture of David by Michaelangelo, but there are plenty of other examples.
While we’re discussing body standards for men, let’s take a look at movies. My favourite example of this is Hugh Jackman portraying Wolverine in the X-Men films. In the early 2000s, Hugh Jackman was clearly fit and muscular, but by today’s standards, he’s considered small. Looking at the most recent Wolverine movie, he truly has become a Huge Jacked Man.
In addition to an insane workout regimen, getting that look requires severe dehydration, eating all the time, and strict macro counting. There’s a reason actors don’t look like that when they’re not filming, and that’s because it’s unsustainable and unhealthy.
That body is not even about attracting the female gaze – those muscles are a male power fantasy . Men, don’t feel like you need to look like that to go to the beach, or attract a mate. I pinky promise you that you don’t.
Friends, do you remember watching movies like Clueless, 10 Thing I Hate About You, Save the Last Dance, Mean Girls, and other fun late 1990s and early 2000s romcoms? I live for these movies, but they say things like “You have a big butt” like that’s a negative quality.
Cocaine-chic hit an all-time high in the 1990s but started with Twiggy in the 1970s. J-Lo changed the game when she responded to tabloids calling her fat by saying “I’m bootylicious” as if having hips automatically made you overweight.
Nowadays, women are loading up on leg day to get that round Kim Kardashian derriere, forgetting that she paid good money for it. Society can’t make up its mind on if wide hips or skinny hips are a sign of affluence, so why make your body suffer just to keep up?
I’d Rather Be Jacking Off
A few years ago, a wonderful human being compiled every single centerfold from Playboy, from its conception until its end, in one glorious post. It took me hours, but I looked at every single photo (for research purposes of course). While some of the photos have been taken down since, don’t worry, I got you, click here to view the album.
Before you get distracted and your finger gets sore from scrolling, here’s a summary of what I learned. Women’s breasts changed shape – specifically, the plastic surgery trends in women’s breasts changed. In the 1960s, the breasts were large but very tubular, rather than the more rounded shape of a butt on your chest that we’re used to seeing today.
The posing also changed as body standards changed: in the 1960s, women’s stomachs were doing this interesting pilates style suck to create a tiny waisted look, and in the 1980’s we start seeing a much more toned, volleyball player style of stomach as the pilates suck goes away.
At the beginning of Playboy, all the vulvas are covered by clothes or accessories, but as the publication becomes more explicit, a plethora of hairy vulvas are revealed - the pubic hair is censoring the private parts rather than a gauzy wisp of fabric.
Penthouse starts to compete with Playboy, and over time the pubic hair is trimmed and shaped until it disappears altogether. While Playboy is still not a realistic portrayal of how beautiful different body shapes can be, it’s evident that what we put on display for public consumption is not a static representation.
This is proof that what people find attractive can be a lot broader than we may want to admit, and that social conditioning plays a huge part in who people find sexually appealing. This is why representation matters.
When someone says to me, “I usually prefer to fuck white people” or “I only date fit people”, I want to undo the mainstream media brainwashing they’ve been subjected to. These people are capable of finding a wider variety of people attractive, but they trap themselves into a narrow-minded, and quite frankly racist and sexist way of thinking that really limits their ability to sexually connect with people who could blow their fucking mind (or dick). I digress.
Jackpot
Apparently, society has decided that beauty pageants are wholesome but Playboy is not. I’m not sure why beauty pageants are considered family-friendly when a panel of men get to judge women in their bathing suits on whether they’re worthy as women.
I assume it has something to do with if their nipples are out.
Either way, I’m not the only person who was curious about how body trends have changed over time, and this article looks at Miss Universe winners and their measurements. Models in the 50s, while still slender, clearly aren’t going all out on leg day. Just like in Playboy, the stomachs tighten and flatten as we approach the 90s, and the women continue to grow taller over time. While the pageants have changed their focus to be less about an ideal wife and more about intelligent women, beauty standards of womanhood are effectively communicated through flowing locks, small waists, and high heels.
Hit the Road, Jack
Just like there are trends in fashion, there are trends in bodies. What we as a society deem acceptable for public consumption changes over time. If you want to work out and build muscle for shallow reasons, that’s fine and no one is going to stop you.
However, if you don’t actually enjoy the effort that goes into keeping your body on-trend, that’s fine too. If your body doesn’t match current standards, tell society to fuck off. If you need encouragement, go look at these amazing women of different sizes posing in the same bikini. Dress how you like, wear that tiny bathing suit to the beach, and don’t let trends keep you from living your best life.