5 sex tips that won’t help you

Finding good information on the internet is difficult, and it has to do with Google rankings.

By now, we’ve all heard that without good sexual education, people learn how to have sex through porn, and that’s problematic. You know what else is problematic? Learning about sex through articles whose explicit purpose is to sell you a product or rank better on google.  That’s right, we’re talking about websites with blogs filled with Search Engine Optimized Keywords, and how they’re bullshit.

Not all SEO articles are crap. In fact, well-placed SEO keywords make good information easier to find and more accessible. It’s why those recipe blogs always have two paragraphs before you get to the instructions – without those words, you’ll never find the recipe to begin with.

I spent the second half of Ontario’s pandemic lockdowns as a freelance writer. I can say with absolute certainty that good information is hard to come by, especially if you don’t know where to look.  Here are three things that bothered me when writing for google optimization.

5 sex toys that won’t do what you want them to

Sex toy reviews are plentiful, but if it’s not associated with an actual human, run away! Many articles will say “Best [SEX THING] for [DEMOGRAPHIC]” and give you a top ten list. Each item will link to a certain product, and the description is a regurgitation of the product specifications.

As someone who is a sex educator and qualified to write these articles, I felt like I was in high- school English bullshitting my way through an essay. I found myself doing mental gymnastics to  list products I would never want in my body, with enough information to still be ethical in my recommendation. The purpose of these articles was not to educate, but to sell products.  Any education had to be slipped in.

For example, many sex toys are made of materials that are porous – meaning they will never fully be cleaned and can result in bacterial build up. While I  avoid buying porous toys, and would never buy one for a friend, they exist, people buy them, and they tend to be more affordable than the high quality silicone toys.  I would add porous toys to the list, despite my personal distaste for them, and always include instructions to use a condom with this toy.

If you are reading an article that provides absolutely zero context for an item’s use  or nods towards physical safety, read a different article.

5 Sex Positions that will make you scream (but not in a good way)

Asking someone to recommend a “best [SEX THING] for [DEMOGRAPHIC] is difficult because each person experiences sensations differently. It sounds obvious to say it, but dividing products and information based on age or orientation is, in my mind, a waste of time. Unfortunately, that’s what people are searching for in google, so that’s what gets written about.

I would find it far more useful if we divided the demographics based on what the purpose is. Are you looking for anal stimulation? Yes, you can definitely try that dildo, but have you considered a bullet vibrator for external stimulation before putting anything inside?

If you’re looking for g spot stimulation, first you have to identify what amount of curve feels good, and only then you can find the right dildo for it. Some people want less, some people want more.  Looking to really pound that A spot (Anterior Fornix)? Get something long and thick so you can reach. And of course, clitoral stimulation comes in many forms, and auto strokers come in many shapes and sizes.

What about the emotional aspect of sex? Trying 5 new sex positions may be fun for the whole 30 seconds it takes you to realize it all feels the same, but does it satisfy your need for sexual variety? So you read Fifty Shades of Grey  and want to try BDSM, but is it the sensations that are enticing   to you or the power dynamics? Trying to sort through all the information on the internet is challenging, especially when demographic information doesn’t tell you anything about your body or your brain and what will satisfy it.

5 Places to Find Trustworthy Information about Sex Toys

I get really frustrated because I know there’s plenty of people (myself included) writing excellent, thoughtful pieces on sex toys. It’s difficult to find good sources when they’re being crowded out by articles whose explicit purpose is to make you consume more products.

Some things can be generalized, and then personalized. Look for websites that have educational pieces and are clearly feminist and LGBTQ+ inclusive.  Trustworthy review sites will have personal stories so you can identify if the thing they’re discussing is right for you. For sex toy information, I love Erica Moen’s Oh Joy Sex Toy , The Bedpost Show’s Product Reviews and Smitten Kitten’s blog.

For more information on a variety of topics, check out the resources above and my podcast, and if you’re looking for a super personalized journey, I offer monthly workshops and 1:1 sexuality coaching.

One of the difficulties with finding quality sources is that articles are being written for what people are searching for. People can’t search for things they don’t know about. Writing for google rankings may have been frustrating, but it renewed my passion for good sex education. Believe me, it’s out there. You might just have to read ten articles trying to sell you useless products before you get there.